Everything's An Illusion
by Spanishtomate
Summary: Spain had finally built up his nerve, was finally ready to tell Romano how he felt for him. He was finally going to be with the love of his life. But what happens when the one he had spent so long chasing after, was no longer there to confess to?


**Everything's An Illusion**

**Chapter One: What Hurts The Most**

Was this finally it? Did Spain finally know how he felt? The thoughts were swarming in the Spaniard's mind; confusion, frustration, excitement, happiness. Everything. It felt right, like it was finally time to explain how he felt out loud. Antonio was standing outside of a old dark brown door, he took a slow deep breath trying to relax himself. But he couldn't do that! He was finally about to confess his heart out to the only one that ever made him get butterflies in his stomach. The only one that makes a scowl and pouting seem so cute. The only one that Spain had ever truly had romantic feelings for. Romano. Southern Italy was the world to him. He was his happiest around him. Antonio blinked in surprise as it was Romano's brother, Northern Italy who would be the one to answer the door.

"Oh, Fratello isn't home! I don't know where he went off too..He has been gone for about two days! But I am sure he will be back soon!"

That wasn't what Spain wanted to hear. It took all his courage just to knock on the door; he wanted to see that scowling Italian with his hazel orbs glaring up at him. He hadn't seen Romano in a while and it hurt to have him be missing from the Italian's home. Antonio only smiled down at Feliciano; it wasn't a true smile. But it was a smile to try and calm the nervous younger sibling. "Me too! Oh well, Big brother Spain is going to come by some other time then. Or call me if he shows up, okay? Gracias, Feli!" He quickly waved and turned around, quickly stepping away from the porch. Each step he took felt weird, something was wrong. This wasn't right. Where was Lovino? Where did his little Romano go?

The question repeated over and over in his mind, he was scared. Spain wanted to see him. Bad. He could only hope that Romano would turn up soon. But right as Antonio was about to step on the sidewalk, Feliciano busted the door open and was clinging onto a cell phone. There were tears in the corners of his eyes; Spain quickly panicked. The Spaniard dashed to the sobbing Italian, he was mumbling and stuttering words that Antonio wasn't able to make out. "F-Feliciano! Calm down! Take deep breaths and relax! What is the matter!?"

Italy attempted to calm down and relax. But it didn't seem to be working at all. Antonio held the smaller male, confused on what happened. Did it involve Romano? Was that why the Italian was crying his eyes out!? No, it couldn't be. What happened!? _WHAT HAPPENED!?_ "Italy! Please, tell me!" Feliciano was shaking and clinging onto Antonio as if he was never going to let go. This frightened Spain badly. But he had to be strong; he had to hold himself together. He didn't even know what happened. He needed to know, _please Feliciano._

"Fratello…My boss just called me..and.." He paused, more sobbing. Spain needed to know. He wanted to scream for Feliciano to just say it. But Spain didn't have the heart to scare Italy more. He needed to comfort him. Spain needed to care for him. Not be selfish about his emotions and just to figure out what was wrong. "North Italy and South Italy..T-They are one."

They are one.

One.

Whole.

That meant.

_No._

Spain froze. He couldn't move. His whole body was tense. His throat was dry, he couldn't speak. A knot was tight in the pit of his stomach. Spain's once bright happiness filled eyes were now a darker shade of green. The day that was supposed to be the best day of his life was now the worse. His little Romano, the one he raised as a colony, the one that he _loved,_ the one that was his everything. Gone. Just like that.

"Big b-brother Spain.." A soft cracking voice spoke out.

The short few seconds seemed like longest few seconds of his life. "Si?"

"What am I going to do? I don't want to be alone. Everyone is gone."

_Damn._ Spain felt like shit, Romano was Italy's older brother. And now Italy was completely alone. Sure, he had friends but he had no more family to be with him. Spain blinked slowly, his eyes traveling down to meet the others. "I think…you should go stay with Germany for a while." Antonio felt so bad. What was he able to do? He couldn't do anything to comfort the poor male.

Slowly Antonio loosened his grip on the Italian who was still trying to catch his breath, "This…is quite a lot to take in Feli. I think you should really go to Germany's right now. You need to be comforted and taken care of, I am sure Ludwig will be able to do that. He won't mind and I am sure he will..understand the situation." These words burned in his throat. Italy only nodded and slowly looked down at his phone, "Thank you, Antonio. I can't be alone…I wouldn't have thought of going to his home. I should go call him now. Are…Are you going to be okay?" Feliciano's eyes were red from crying, Antonio wondered if he just completely cried himself out right there. No. There was more. He knew it. But Feliciano was trying to be strong, Antonio could see right through it.

The Spaniard's eyes stung. He felt like crying. He wanted to cry. He just wanted to cry with Feliciano right there and hold one another. But he had to hold himself together. Just for a little bit longer. Until Italy left. Then he knew that he would break. He would fall apart. The love of his life. The love of his life that didn't know how much he mattered to Antonio. Maybe if he had just showed up a few days earlier; Maybe if Antonio had gotten the guts to even just call him one more time; Maybe to shower the other with affectionate but playful kisses. Maybe…

No; Antonio couldn't think that way. He would blame himself for it. For being too late. But he couldn't help it. It was hard not to do so. Spain loved Southern Italy. He never got to let him know that. "I'll be fine." Lie. "I am just worried about you." Partly true. "Don't worry about me. Just go call Germany now alright. I..I need to go back to my apartment for something that I forgot." Another lie. The corners of his lips attempted to pull up, they couldn't. They couldn't show that fake smile to prove that he was actually okay. This hurt to much. He only nodded before leaning down and kissing the top of Feliciano's head. "Go." How he wished that he was able to just give Lovino a goodbye kiss.

Feliciano froze and tensed at the kiss. It was like he could feel Antonio's pain in it. The tears began to fill in the Italian's eyes before he pulled back and quickly dashed into the house. The Spaniard watched Feliciano flee. He waited. Slowly beginning to take small backward steps, Antonio quickly turned and dashed out of the Italian's front yard. He ran as fast as he could. He wasn't going to stop. He wasn't going home. He couldn't. Too many photos of the scowling Italian and him on his walls. The memories. That was all he had left. There was a place that Antonio could go that he knew no one would be able to find him at. He was pass the railroad tracks, pass the park, behind the park was a old forest. No one ever went back there. Spain needed to get away from everything. He just kept running. He didn't want to stop and have to face the truth. But once in what Antonio believed to be the middle of the woods, he froze to a halt. He slammed his hands on the top of his hand, grabbing a tight hold on his hair; He tossed his head back and let it out. He screamed. The only thing that was in him mind. He called out their name.

_Romano._

Antonio broke. The tears were streaming down his face and didn't seem like they would stop. It was too much to hold in. He needed to let it all out. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted someone. Anyone. No—He wanted Romano. He fell to his knees and held his head in his hands, those short minutes that he felt soon turned into hours. He was just on the dark empty wood's dirt. Alone. Crying. Antonio hated his feeling. But he finally let it out. He was okay now right? No more crying? No more crying for Feliciano. Antonio felt even worse. He left Feliciano alone; not even knowing if Germany was called and if he was going to go comfort Italy. He wanted to go back and to hold the small Italian but being in Romano's old home. That would bring more pain.

Slowly pulling his phone out of his pocket, he turned it on and what flashed up was something he didn't want to see. It was a picture of Italy, Spain and…Romano. Italy and Spain were happily smiling while Romano was in the middle, scowling as always but if you looked closely. At the corners of Romano's lips, you were able to see the tiniest of a smile.

That was a shot to the heart.

A killing fatal blow.

He quickly pulled up his contacts and slowly dragged his fingers to punch in Ludwig's phone number. The phone buzzed before he heard the thick German accent on the other line.

"Spain?"

It was killing him.

"Have you spoken to Italy?" His voice was already cracking at the thought of the brothers.

Germany had explained to Spain everything that he had done. It turned out that Ludwig had just picked Italy, finally getting him to calm down and stop crying. He was asleep in the passenger's seat of the car and were on the way to Germany's home. Antonio was grateful for the German. "Gracias…I felt bad leaving him like that." There was a pause on the line but then Ludwig let out a soft sigh. "Uh, Antonio, I know it hurts. I been through exactly what Feliciano is going through right now. You can't tell me you forgot about Prussia?" That is right. His friend Gilbert who was the nation of Prussia had also disappeared. But not really. He was now human and living with Ludwig. There were some gaps in his memory but since Germany spilt his land, the Albino knew who he used to be.

Why couldn't Romano be there then? Italy would still have let Romano have the land. He didn't want this. But, Antonio knew that Feliciano had no control over it. "I know Gilbert, alright. I.." Ludwig cut him off, "Are you alright? Where are you?" Spain paused; he couldn't let anyone worry about him. "I am at my apartment, I am okay. Just go take care of Italy." Germany again let out a sigh but didn't push it. "Call me if you need anything." Antonio was thankful. But he wouldn't be doing that.

With that, Antonio ended the phone call. Italy was in good hands now. Slowly Spain pushed himself off the ground, slowly dusting himself off. "I need to go home." He spoke out loud, he was alone. There was no one to talk too. But, Antonio felt as he spoke that statement to the missing love. Romano. He knew that he couldn't hear him and that he was gone. He just went through his sorrows. He will be okay.

Sooner or later.

Walking much slower than he did before, Antonio walked out of the woods and slowly made his way to the side of the road. His head was staring down at the ground before him, his eyes raw, dry tear stains on his tanned cheeks that he didn't bother to wipe away. His steps were sometimes off and he would almost stumble. Antonio would catch himself and pause, waiting for himself to be able to walk normally again. How much longer? Was he any closer to his home? The 15 minute walk seemed to take hours. But that didn't bother Spain. He wanted to stay out of his home as much as he could. But Antonio knew that he would have to face it soon. The building was in eye distance.

Now standing in front of the building; Antonio pushed the doors open hesitantly. He was growing closer and closer. When he really wanted to be farther away from this place. But he had nowhere to go. Spain stood in the elevator watching the light lit up soon stopping on the number '4'. A small ding rung in the air before the doors slowly opened. Spain stepped out and closed his glossed dim green eyes; he shoved his hands in his pockets before finding the keys and pulling them out. He inserted the key into the lock and quickly just pushed it open to get it open with. It was empty. No light was on. It was dark. Antonio was scared to turn the light on as if Romano would be standing in the pathway looking him right in the eyes.

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, he kept his eyes shut. Spain reached out and flicked the light on, after a long moment his eyes slowly forced themselves open. "I thought this place was empty before." He mumbled before he began to strip himself of his shoes and shirt; he felt warm and flushed. He needed to cool off. The Spaniard tossed his shirt to the side before he walked into the kitchen, flicking that light on he realized that he was not hungry. He swallowed and left the kitchen, his hands began to open and close as fists.

The pain and sadness of sorrow quickly vanished. Spain was swallowed whole by another emotion. Anger. Rage. He will filled with it.

His eyes flashed with it, he quickly balled his hands into fist and slammed his right fist into the near wall. Tears began to flow again; he growled out before going towards his wall that held tons of photos of not just Spain and Romano but other friends. "It's not fair! Why did you have to leave me here!? I loved you! I never got to tell you! I never got to say goodbye! I never got to give you one last kiss! I miss you! I don't want you to be gone! Please! Romano….I don't want you to be out of my life…" He reached out grabbing the solo photo of Romano, teardrops falling onto the picture. "I don't think…I will ever be the same."

Antonio dropped the picture out of his hands.

The glass cracked right down the middle.

Spain bit his bottom lip before slowly standing up and walk away from the picture, he went back into the kitchen and quickly pulled out the bottle of wine he had. It was the bottle of wine that Spain had for Romano whenever he came over and wanted to drink. Antonio quickly opened it and placed the opening to his mouth beginning to down the wine. After a good few swigs, he pulled it away from his mouth. He couldn't take it anymore. Placing the bottle down back on the counter, Antonio let out a long sigh. "No more tears tonight. Please. I can't do it. It hurts." He pleaded.

Dragging his limbs through the hallway and towards his bedroom, he opened the door and just dropped on the bed. The lights were off. It was dark. It was empty. No—Spain felt empty. Now that Romano was gone, Spain felt as if part of him was gone. He felt tired. He felt cold. Antonio closed his eyes and tired to find sleep. It never came. The only thing that showed was the image of Lovino Romano Vargas, smiling up at Antonio with large golden eyes.

Small tears slipped out of the corner of Spain's eyes.

_What hurt the most was being so close and having so much to say.._


End file.
